Vulnerability is a word that many of us are using more and more but what is it really? I find vulnerability can be so close to the essence of our nature that it can be hard to grasp, express, or recognize.
Krista Tippett writes beautifully on her connections regarding vulnerability, perfectionism, embarrassment and anger.
"I always say that pain and fear, when they show themselves, come out looking like anger.
I think vulnerability is like pain and fear. And pain and fear are nuances of vulnerability; or vulnerability is involved in both of them. We tie ourselves up in knots and get into a lot of trouble with actually what we cover vulnerability over with.
Some people maybe get more aggressive because they’re vulnerable to mask the vulnerability even from themselves. I think what I do is, I just find it really embarrassing. [laughs] And I don’t like to be embarrassed.
I’m trying — when I realize that that’s where I’m going and what I’m feeling — to actually just feel that and not reach for something else to make that go away; to let it be OK that I feel embarrassed, and then to just interrogate that and try to wander back to the pure, true reality of being vulnerable, whatever that means in any situation.
It’s life-giving because it’s humanizing, and although it is an expression of imperfection, perfection was this terrible myth that we’ve had that just makes us crazy to constantly pursue. And so, if I allow the vulnerability to be true, then, strangely, my presence in the world is more whole; I am more complete." If you’d like to read Krista Tippett’s continued responses you can find her full article here:
When I recognize that I am feeling angry, there are so many other feelings going on underneath.
This is not to make the feeling of anger wrong or bad. It is natural and it is a part of the equation. But anger can so easily draw all my attention and hyper focus me on one major part of the story…I am right! They are wrong!
It is important to acknowledge this part. And often I need to express it, to a close friend, in my journal, punching the air, or going out and screaming to the trees.
And then if I can take a few moments to be curious around, “what else is here?!?” often times I find MORE ANGER because for many years I told myself it wasn’t ok to be angry. It just wasn’t allowed.
Or I was too scared to go into it. The sheer force of my rage was terrifying and I saw so many examples of unhealthy, destructive anger all around me. I was afraid I would hurt someone else or myself. So first, I may have to process some MORE ANGER. But underneath there are always other feelings going on inside me too. I look for them as soon as I can to have a fuller perspective.
I believe it is never just one emotion we are feeling. It is never just anger.
And just as Krista expressed, I most often recognize feelings of pain and fear underneath.
When I can put my attention on my other feelings too, then I can tend to the whole of me; not just to my anger, but to my pain and my fear (whatever other feelings are underneath), and this takes me somewhere new. That is a big part of vulnerability for me - going somewhere I haven’t been before and getting closer to myself.